Knowledge – from within !

Stuffed to the brim with mom’s comfort food I finally managed to pull myself back out into the cold where everything needed some warming up, my car and I included. I turned on the engine and the radio cranked up. As I mindlessly listened to the blabber something caught my attention. A lady had called in to get predictions regarding her son’s education, career and marriage. The astrologer on air ranted on about planetary positions and their implications and my mind wandered off on a channel of its own just as it had so aimlessly wandered in to tune into the little conversation.

My mind sure has a mind of its own, I must say !

If everything that’s goes up comes down, every night is followed by morning, even the darkest cloud has a silver lining, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel and good follows bad which follows good back….why do humans need astrologers and psychics and predictions about the future….Even if faith and hope are such strained fleeting earthly emotions that need the constant assurance of fellow passengers, should it not be sufficient to know from within that if one is going through a tough situation and challenging circumstances the good times are bound to follow and everything is afterall temporary only?

Surrender

I stopped myself a thousand times
But my heart would stop not
I tried to hear the soft sweet birds
But my ears would strain for chords long heard
I tried to bind my hair unruly
But it struggled out in vain
For the touch so sweet and warm
For the toss so soft and loving
I tried to pat myself to sleep
But sleep came not, for it missed the gentle caress
And a snug cozy snore
This body is numb to me
For your soft sensual touch lingers
Like the lasting essence of a rose long withered
I am no more mine
Coz my mind has surrendered
To a sweet pain, the one they call love.

© 2005

Soul-ly why !

Breathe in count breathe out goes the routine
In my countless pursuit to conquer my prana unseen
As I close my eyes and shut out the seen
It flashes upon that inward eye a scene
Of meadows and vales lush and green
Of chapels Sistine where I have been

In the haze of the fog I drift away
And as I land on the runway
I see the padre
A man of god I daresay
In an attempt to show me the way
He leads on and I obey
Lest I go astray

As I walk into a chalet
Does’nt this look like Bombay?
I walk in the doorway
Just in time to take the subway
To a life long passed away
There I lay, it is me ok

As I watch my life from yesteryears
A mute spectator there
Piled up came the arrears
That I had promised to cohere
It is now oh so clear
Why I am here
My pursuit seems sincere
I realized with a joyous tear

As I watched my prana near and adhere
I understood my final frontier
How queer !
I so instinctively know all the gears to rear; to cohere

Oh prana unseen !
How foolish an attempt to conquer thou
I surrender to your know-how
I bow down now

As I wave the yesteryears goodbye
I know I am here soul-ly why !

© Dec 19th 2008

Love !

My love for you ! oh it has no measure….
My heart pours out with so much pleasure
You are the world to me; such a treasure
This is pure angelic love for sure

A poetess of me you have made
These words that are here laid
The love in my heart I promise will never fade
Believe me this is no charade

The pen flowed freely on this paper
All I did was dip it in my heart to capture.

© August 4, 2009

This would be bliss

I wish I could just wake up in the morning without worrying what time it is….eat a hearty tasty breakfast which I don’t have to cook….run down to the beach which is just beyond the stairs and lie down on the warm beach and watch the beautiful ocean glide back and forth….and then cozy up on a hammock under the blue wide skies and read a book as I sip on my fave drink and drift off into wonderland … only to wake up to the aroma wafting from the lovely spread in front of me…..a stroll, a swim later I sleep on a soft cozy bed with gentle caresses that pat me to sleep…..when I wake up a soft gentle relaxing massage awaits me followed by a nice soak in a warm Jacuzzi…..I am drifting off into wonderland ….no emails….no cell phones….no cares no worries….no responsibilities and judgements to make ….no decisions….. just me and a relaxing day ahead….no clocks…no cars…no buses or trains … just me and myself as God willed it to be….

The Rebuttal

Gowri knew all her tastes; she was after-all little Ambujam’s best friend and confidant. She was there to share Ambujam’s first piece of chocolate ecstasy when she was five and see her dance around in her new yellow and gold skirt that Appa dear had bought for her ninth birthday. Ambujam adored Gowri and when in her company she felt neither pain nor fear.

Gowri loved her unconditionally for who she was and not once judged her. They were after-all born on the same day even though Gowri was older than Ambujam by a few hours. There was a certain unspoken bond between them that almost seemed pre-destined and karmic. Gowri was Ambujam’s guardian angel, big sister, mentor, friend, partner in crime all rolled into one. No wonder then that Ambujam would refuse to take any decision without Gowri’s consent.

Ambujam could hardly wait for the summers to come home from boarding school, so she and Gowri could eat ripe juicy mangoes together. They would play all day long in the hot dry heat escaping all the servants’ attempts at getting them indoors. Why, they even insisted on eating meals together, especially post Gowri’s accident after a meal outside one evening. Ambujam had almost banned her from venturing out after that, lest she lose her.

Gowri was even there to comfort little Ambujam the day they took her beloved Amma to the psychiatric ward for her first shock treatment. With Gowri as her security blanket, Ambujam sailed through the throes of growing up in a not so perfect house.

Years flew by and Ambujam had finished school waiting to take her next big step in life, whatever that was. Late at night Ambujam would lie on Gowri’s loving lap listening to Elvis crooning “Love Me Tender” and imagining a day when she would go to far-farland: she and her knight in shining armour riding into the moonlight to live happily ever after.

And then as if a dream come true, there was a request for Ambujam’s hand in marriage. Everything happened so fast or so it seemed and for the first time Ambujam, caught up in preparing to be seen by the groom, spent days away from Gowri: days spent learning to cook and keep house and sing. She missed Gowri very sorely but somehow it suddenly seemed impossible to match schedules and spend a few much needed minutes with her Gowri. After-all the marriage had been fixed without Gowri’s consent.

Hours of separation turned into days and a week had sailed by since Ambujam had spoken to Gowri. Thoughts were racing in her restless mind; would Gowri approve of the match and give her consent, should she proceed with this or break it off – how was she to know!

Gowri had grown rather depressed herself having been away from Ambujam. She seemed so agitated and had aged almost overnight. A deep melancholy had overcome her and the rumour was that she did not quite approve of the match. If only she could somehow get Ambujam’s attention and convey her instincts of impending doom! How could she live with herself if this went through?

On the wedding eve Ambujam was in the attic, packing up dried rice cakes as the sun cast its setting rays, when the word arrived. One of the new servants had forced Gowri to graze with the other cows out in the farms and she had not returned home with the herd! If only Ambujam had understood that this was Gowri’s way of rebutting the match, life may have been so different!

© May 6th 2009