Memories

I remember those days when I was allowed to be an innocent little girl who admired my mother enjoying Seetha Kalyanam as she sat with the transistor perched precariously on the 2 legged rickety wood stool …she always liked listening to cassettes on that “transistor”, as it was known back in the days, since not only was it new but also thinner than the older monstrous player cum radio that we had, with the long antenna, that I so loved extending out all the way coz it would rise to touch the roof of the room….anyways… the monstrosity of a player was always only used to tune in to some tamil songs at 4 pm as the milk was boiling and amma was braiding my sisters’ hair, with me running around buying as much of play time as I could gather without popping up on her radar for not having done my school work….evenings were meant exclusively for the thin new transistor player and as she sat with one ear pressed close to it and eyes closed Maharajapuram Santhanam transferred her to another planet….a planet that I wish I could have accompanied her to for she looked so peaceful while there…away from all the chores and duties and responsibilities….away from everyone, where she could be whatever she wanted…even the little Paru who never forgot to hold out her little finger lest her ring not be seen in the photograph….the face is etched in my memories …. still green and fresh as if from yesterday….and that is one of the memories I will take to my grave…on the days when appa was at home he would join her on that planet…. I will always remember fondly my dearest amma and appa of those days….I wish I could have halted time so those innocent days never ended !! If only wishes were horses ….and then as the evening matured they would go back and forth discussing ragas and singers and songs bygone and there would be perfect harmony…dinner done, the music would continue and we would all lie down with the lights off as BMKrishna or MS or Santhanam weaved in and out of our dreams….sometimes if it was too early for lights off, I would make my bed right in appa’s lap and curl up like a little dizzy pup tired of chasing its shadow....

If tomorrow never comes !

We plan and plan and plan and plan only to wake up and find that tomorrow has its own plan in store for us….like a sand castle that we build so painstakingly only to find that the tide razed it to the ground to make a pattern of its own. And yet we wake up day after day to create the same old plans … what if the concept of tomorrow or the future; the next minute is erased from our permanent memory or pushed beyond the grasp of our minds? Will we then be free? Free to cherish the breath as it enters our body at this very instant and just be?

Shree Rama Jayam !

Lets see ...the more the number of hands that Ravana had the more he could multitask especially during the war – imagine one hand using the mace the other using the bow and arrow and so on and so forth. Then the more the number of heads the more the number of minds he had to play games, plot strategies and of course multi-task. More heads meant more eyes to watch out for enemies and more mouths for self propaganda. And then of course there’s the single body which meant lesser sleep and rest needed and more time to appease the supreme Lord with his veena playing skills to receive rich gifts in return. The single body also meant lesser time to maintain/groom himself and oh did that all not translate into more time that could be spent doing the above mentioned tasks that the hands and heads excelled at? He got to be king and live in pomp and luxury. He died a miserable man but for the most part his life was filled with abundance.

Now let’s examine the worthiness of being Rama. He was a man with an absolute sense of justice, obedience, intelligence, limiteless patience, kindness, boundless compassion and steadfast sense of duty or dharma. But he did not have the umpteen heads and hands to connive and conspire so as a result he got to live in the wilderness for 14 years of his life with no real benefits, without the love of his near and dear family, even without his immediate family – his wife. Besides every demon worth his name attacked him and oh need I remind you that the lack of heads and hence eyes just made it that much more tough to watch out for these demons? He did not get promoted to be king and continued to perform the same activity of protecting sages through the 14 years. In the end he came home to victory but for the most part his life was riddled with insufficiency.

So..

In this ruthless corporate world today should I be proud that I am a Ravana or ashamed that I am one? Or should I aspire to be one? Or reconcile to the fact that I am Rama? Is it time to re-interpret the Ramayan for the next generation?

© May 1^st 2010

Knowledge – from within !

Stuffed to the brim with mom’s comfort food I finally managed to pull myself back out into the cold where everything needed some warming up, my car and I included. I turned on the engine and the radio cranked up. As I mindlessly listened to the blabber something caught my attention. A lady had called in to get predictions regarding her son’s education, career and marriage. The astrologer on air ranted on about planetary positions and their implications and my mind wandered off on a channel of its own just as it had so aimlessly wandered in to tune into the little conversation.

My mind sure has a mind of its own, I must say !

If everything that’s goes up comes down, every night is followed by morning, even the darkest cloud has a silver lining, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel and good follows bad which follows good back….why do humans need astrologers and psychics and predictions about the future….Even if faith and hope are such strained fleeting earthly emotions that need the constant assurance of fellow passengers, should it not be sufficient to know from within that if one is going through a tough situation and challenging circumstances the good times are bound to follow and everything is afterall temporary only?

Surrender

I stopped myself a thousand times
But my heart would stop not
I tried to hear the soft sweet birds
But my ears would strain for chords long heard
I tried to bind my hair unruly
But it struggled out in vain
For the touch so sweet and warm
For the toss so soft and loving
I tried to pat myself to sleep
But sleep came not, for it missed the gentle caress
And a snug cozy snore
This body is numb to me
For your soft sensual touch lingers
Like the lasting essence of a rose long withered
I am no more mine
Coz my mind has surrendered
To a sweet pain, the one they call love.

© 2005

Soul-ly why !

Breathe in count breathe out goes the routine
In my countless pursuit to conquer my prana unseen
As I close my eyes and shut out the seen
It flashes upon that inward eye a scene
Of meadows and vales lush and green
Of chapels Sistine where I have been

In the haze of the fog I drift away
And as I land on the runway
I see the padre
A man of god I daresay
In an attempt to show me the way
He leads on and I obey
Lest I go astray

As I walk into a chalet
Does’nt this look like Bombay?
I walk in the doorway
Just in time to take the subway
To a life long passed away
There I lay, it is me ok

As I watch my life from yesteryears
A mute spectator there
Piled up came the arrears
That I had promised to cohere
It is now oh so clear
Why I am here
My pursuit seems sincere
I realized with a joyous tear

As I watched my prana near and adhere
I understood my final frontier
How queer !
I so instinctively know all the gears to rear; to cohere

Oh prana unseen !
How foolish an attempt to conquer thou
I surrender to your know-how
I bow down now

As I wave the yesteryears goodbye
I know I am here soul-ly why !

© Dec 19th 2008

Love !

My love for you ! oh it has no measure….
My heart pours out with so much pleasure
You are the world to me; such a treasure
This is pure angelic love for sure

A poetess of me you have made
These words that are here laid
The love in my heart I promise will never fade
Believe me this is no charade

The pen flowed freely on this paper
All I did was dip it in my heart to capture.

© August 4, 2009